It’s weird how hard it is to write.

Poetry, songs, and thoughts at night.
Things come way easier,
for all my friends.
It’s bad, I swear
it never ends.

Maybe they’re just smarter.
And work harder,
And write faster.
And think harder,
And more clearer.

I told you it gets bad.
Is this what you want, dad?

I just want to be friends,
That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
To feel more like I’m your child,
and less like I’m being hunted.

It’s sort of primal,
almost,
the desire for a father.
Sometimes I think I’d die for it,
A key to my survival.

It’s funny how you say one thing,
Then show me something other.
I wish you’d get that checked out,
but not sure why I even bother.
I really think you messed me up.
I’m so sorry, let’s start over.

I’m sad, I know you’re hurting too.
I wish someone had cared for you.
Shown you that love is beautiful,
and life really can be too.

I hope you can join me,
Get better, begin to heal.
I'll do my best, but I come first.
It’s my turn behind the wheel.
This time I really have no choice.
Take my hand and walk with me.
Or watch, I don’t really care
Now I’m my first priority.
The sky is only the limit,
if you let it be.

Life really can be beautiful,
Just you wait and fucking see!

-2022